I am currently sitting on my couch in my room by myself just thinking. What am I thinking about you ask? I honestly cannot tell you. Usually I have specific things running through my head, ranging from trades that I need to make in Fantasy Football or a meeting that I have to attend in an hour. However, tonight is different. There are so many thoughts going through my head that my mind is bypassing all of them and telling me absolutely nothing. So here I am, writing on this blog that probably myself and MAYBE one other person reads occasionally. So relaxation? excitement? Confusion? I really don’t know what I’m feeling… which is a first. I am always the one to know if i’m happy, depressed, excited, confused, tired, or SOMETHING, but right now, I am nothing. I’m not tired, but I’m not energetic. I’m not happy, but I’m not sad. I’m not confused, but i’m not knowing.
Basically the reason is because I’m graduating in 2 weeks. In 2 weeks, I will be done with all of my finals… FOREVER! I keep on telling myself 2 weeks and then i’m done! I’m free! But then I think… what am I free to do? I don’t have a job lined up and I don’t have any idea what I want to do in the upcoming future. Then I think about how chill the spring is going to be for me, but then I think how I need a job and want to make money. I think about how I need to get really good grades for my finals, but then I think how once I’m in the real world, grades aren’t all that important. So that’s why I don’t know how to feel. I’m sad because I know that after college, I won’t see a lot of people. I know that next semester while i’m done and in Socal, people are studying abroad that I won’t see for a long time. I know that when I’m looking for jobs, all of my friends will be looking for answers for tests.
I guess the hardest part for me right now is that I have no one to relate to. I’m graduating, but none of my really close friends are graduating. They’re all graduating in the spring… like most people. So while i’m scared to go into the “real world,” i’m on my own. I can’t hold hands with someone and say let’s dive in together. Right now, I have to make a solo journey of finding out what it’s like to go through a shitty economy looking for a job. That’s why I’m confused, because no one really knows what I’m going through. I don’t even know what I’m going through to be honest… I just hope that it all works out
